“Bearly” Tolerable


So I’m watching the Oscars last night (has there ever been a less entertaining television broadcast?), and among the endless Coke and Cadillac commercials is a spot for CSI: Miami. Apparently, a man-eating grizzly bear is rampaging through the Everglades. Yeah, the Everglades.

The episode doesn’t air until tonight, but my guess is someone had a grizzly cub as a pet and later flushed it down the toilet. You know what happens then.

For all their majesty, bears don’t get a whole lot of respect from advertisers. The commercials where some Average Joe steps in to save the day only to reveal he’s no expert “but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night!”? They started with a guy who heroically intervenes with a threatening grizzly. The genius probably grabbed a bear claw at the continental breakfast.

I was driving around the other night listening to some distant radio station and a “report” came on, citing an alarming number of human deaths resulting from bear attacks and the introduction of new government anti-bear policies. The announcer then “˜fessed up and stated the deaths were actually smoking related and wondered why the feds ““ so eager to legislate other solutions ““ were AWOL on smoking. Maybe next time they visit Washington, Congress should stay at a Holiday Inn Express.

I didn’t stay up for the entire Oscar telecast, but I did hear this morning Al Gore took best documentary for “An Inconvenient Truth.” And the polar bears whose habitat is melting away by the minute? Not even a best supporting nomination. Wait till they land at South Beach”¦