So Iâ€™m watching the Oscars last night (has there ever been a less entertaining television broadcast?), and among the endless Coke and Cadillac commercials is a spot for CSI: Miami. Apparently, a man-eating grizzly bear is rampaging through the Everglades. Yeah, the Everglades.
The episode doesnâ€™t air until tonight, but my guess is someone had a grizzly cub as a pet and later flushed it down the toilet. You know what happens then.
For all their majesty, bears donâ€™t get a whole lot of respect from advertisers. The commercials where some Average Joe steps in to save the day only to reveal heâ€™s no expert â€œbut I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night!â€? They started with a guy who heroically intervenes with a threatening grizzly. The genius probably grabbed a bear claw at the continental breakfast.
I was driving around the other night listening to some distant radio station and a â€œreportâ€ came on, citing an alarming number of human deaths resulting from bear attacks and the introduction of new government anti-bear policies. The announcer then â€˜fessed up and stated the deaths were actually smoking related and wondered why the feds â€“ so eager to legislate other solutions â€“ were AWOL on smoking. Maybe next time they visit Washington, Congress should stay at a Holiday Inn Express.
I didnâ€™t stay up for the entire Oscar telecast, but I did hear this morning Al Gore took best documentary for â€œAn Inconvenient Truth.â€ And the polar bears whose habitat is melting away by the minute? Not even a best supporting nomination. Wait till they land at South Beachâ€¦