I am somewhat of an unlikely candidate to be in the position I am currently in. I am lazy, unambitious, apathetic, and generally dislike. I am irresponsible and extremely ugly. People often reel in fright then snicker upon introduction to me before apologizing and telling me how sorry they are for delighting in my misfortune. Hah-hah, just kidding. I’m pretty much awesome in every way. I was given the key to the city at age 9 for solving the state-wide “cackling tree-weevil” epidemic of 1998. At age 13, I entered Harvard on a French-Calculus-Culinary triple major where I eventually came to edit the Harvard Law Review in my spare time whilst juggling prior commitments of public appearances promoting my line of semi-autobiographical self-help books of how to date celebrities, as well as ribbon-cutting ceremonies at newly-opened professional sports stadiums and national monuments. After graduating Magna Cum Laude with two and a half Masters’ Degrees in five semesters, I toured around Europe dissolving Eastern Bloc Countries into functioning democracies. I was eventually offered the esteemed position of SCA NH High School Leader and immediately dropped my schedule to participate.
