Hitch 5

Chapter 5: Ocmulgee
The Adventures of Iron Irv Brock and Guy LaChine

The afternoon sun burned down overhead as we entered Ocmulgee. We were greeted by a colorful cast of characters, including none other than our gracious, endearing host, Guy LaChine. Oh, what a mission he had for us! Tackle not only Chinese Tallow, but a multitude of invasive pests, including the ever stinky Tree of Heaven, which smells like a small hair wad from the drain smashed together with peanut butter and ignited, Chinaberry, rank Privets, and Mimosas. Our tasks included clearing Chinese Tallow from the swampland next to the Greater Temple Mound, which was over eight stories high and as wide as a football field at the top and created by the bare hands of the peoples of the Mississippian Culture around 1000 years ago. We also helped in the ongoing preservation of an unexcavated mound of the Lamar Culture, which followed that of the Mississippian Culture in the Southeast, by removing privets from the mound, which was over three stories high. The spirits of the natives guided our righteous pruners as they abolished all invasives in our path. Lastly, we off-roaded our UTVs to a river trail under the interstate where we annihilated a smorgasbord of invasive monsters, most notably Tree of Heaven.